She Made the Ultimate Mistake: Being Transfeminine While Online
This post was originally a thread — first on Xitter, then Bluesky.
So-called "woke" fandoms after hearing criticisms of transmisogyny in their community:
Transphobia? What an outrage! We're Woke, we're supposed to be good! It's actually impressive how Woke we are! Whichever Person is claiming this clearly doesn't know how Woke we are. Let's show 'em.
A reactionary defensive posture kicks in; followed by an inability to take criticism at face value; and rote skepticism, preventing the trans woman from getting the help or resources she needs; alienating her from her peers; and making similarly aggrieved parties less likely to speak up in future.
(Don't be fooled: it is usually a transfemme making these criticisms.)
If she cannot give substantial examples to back her claims, or a reasoned explanation in as specific or as general a scope as is expected (decided on a whim); if she offers only individual culpability when systemic claims were made, or vice versa — then she's misled; spouting fantasy.
It's a miracle if she gets to this stage, by the way. Even if she does it right; even if the proper channels were taken. It's always insufficient. What must be done to mend the grievance is suddenly too difficult, too inconvenient. How she feels is never as concrete as The Truth.
That's a best-case scenario. In a worse scenario, something about the way she made her initial criticism is perceived as aggressive; hysterical; an attack; and uninvolved parties rail against the dissent — all amid a sudden air of evacuated charitability and ego-protecting harshness.
You know what? Maybe she even slips up. The pressure, rightfully, gets to her. But now, in stark contrast to all the stress she has weathered, now it's her breaching decorum, speaking out of turn. Now she is the unreasonable party: the Person who wants to cause strife. Now, she's villainized.
Just because your fandom is "woke" — just because it champions marginalized voices — that means nothing when those on the margins are unable to use their amplified voices to be critical. There is always a hidden line that is crossed, a rupture, an invitation for endless debates.
And whether it seemed justified in the moment (and it always does!), we've all joined in on this or that dogpile.
When the voice of the as-yet-unheard is amplified, any benefit has costs. That voice is exposed to more scrutiny. Undercurrents of hidden biases come to the surface.
Regardless, to be "woke" doesn't mean to be cleared of all bias. What it means is recognizing this:
There are always unexamined prejudices, and the task of examining them is always painful. But it has to be done.
What is "woke" otherwise? A yet-unrealized ideal? Something you say you aspire to, to feel good about yourself? A public image to cultivate, without grounding?
When we think of practicing "inclusivity", championing unheard voices, "diversity is strength": these are verbs. But they're superficial — they've become corporate-speak. They're reflexive buzzwords, not real efforts. Any queer person sees through them, much as anyone else does.
Unfortunately, "we live in a society", in which achieving the "truly" just and equitable shared space only looks like elevating LGBTQ+ persons into leadership roles. That's all it's allowed to be.
These new leaders acquire the ways of passing judgment and making condemnations that the organization and position make available. Maybe, with their unique experiences and through hard work, they can make genuine improvements to a space. Often times, they do. This is great! But consider what is being done.
The leader becomes a one that is now in charge of the many. Leadership has blindspots. A new separation is created, as responsibility is abstracted away to yet another party. When, really, the community as a whole should seek its own responsibility.
We don't need leaders. We don't need influencers, figureheads, or spokespersons. We have agency. We can think for ourselves (or so we say). We are all accountable for our shared well-being.
Take initiative. The trans women in your space feel contempt against them in the way their peers look at them. In the way they are put in the spotlight. In the way the public focuses in on and just as quickly abandons them. This is an indictment of your community!
Don't contort yourself into a barrier. Listen to her. Understand what safe actually means. Help foster a community where she can feel safe.
That is, if you actually care.